“Tablets?! I don’t need tablets, I just need you to shut up!”
This is what my daughter Áine said to her dad tonight , joking at the dinner table (We are a bit weird, I know!)
We laughed so much, as I said to Áine that she has just found a great answer for people who mightn’t understand her brilliance and might try to box her, someday.
But, while laughing, it brought me back to my past, when tablets have been a friendly suggestion for me, from people that claimed to know me well enough to say something like this:
“Clearly you are not all right. Maybe it is time you do something about it… Get yourself sorted… I know you and you are not like that…”
Like what? Like somebody looking for happiness? Or simply like somebody trying to navigate through life, figuring out why they are here… What’s the purpose of all of this we experience…
Any of this sounds familiar? Has anybody ever told you that there’s something wrong with you, just because you haven’t got all the answers, but you are still growing and searching??
It used to hurt me quite bad, especially when it came from people that I assumed knew me. But that was part of the issue: expecting others to know me when I for a start didn’t know myself. It was an unfair expectation.
But they convinced me that there was something wrong with me. Everybody else had it sorted, not me. So I was wrong. Fresh out of college I was meant to know exactly what I wanted in life and how to get it, of course!
So I went to a counsellor, and after six sessions guess what she told me?? That I was wrong!! AH!!
That was the moment I shut down even the last little spark I still had inside myself, it was 2009. I still remember her room, her face, her voice as she said I needed to change, to be fixed.
I reached the bottom and I stayed there for a long time, until I started climbing back up in 2015, when I began writing “I am Gaia”.
Now I look back and I know all those experiences led me to here and now, and I am grateful for all of it as I like how I am right now!
And tonight my daughter at the age of eight knows her own brilliance, even as she jokes and we laugh, she knows not to be put down and I am proud of her. She will meet people that will try and box her, we can’t shield her from everything, I know, and she will probably suffer, as pain is part of life and growth.
“They asked her “How did you free yourself?” She answered “By embracing my own power.” Yung Pueblo
But I am grateful for my own experiences so far, because when I got pregnant that same year I knew the feeling of being broken inside and I promised my child to teach her that she is amazing and perfect just as she is.
The same I say to you, dear friend and sister, do not let anybody tell you that you are broken and in need of fixing, by tablets or any other way. Do not tell yourself that either. You are perfect just as you are and as my favourite quote says, you are under no obligation to make sense to anybody else but you!!!
Feel free to write your own story, with your insecurities and your doubts, with your creativity, with your wild smiles, with your strengths and weaknesses…
Dance at you own rhythm, sing you own song, and most of all, enjoy the ride!!!