Can you look at yourself in the mirror?
Of course you can! You might do it every morning to apply some make up, or maybe just to tidy your hair, if like me, you don’t put any on…
But can you look at YOURSELF in the mirror? Can you stare into your eyes? Can you bear the depths of your Soul?
I couldn’t for a very long time! But why is it so challenging??
We can glance at ourselves, but we can’t really look.
What are we afraid to see??
For me it has been a long process of acceptance and discovery. It started when I was twelve years old and I was abused by an older man. From that point on, the mirror became my worst enemy, to the point that I couldn’t bear passing in front of it as I was preparing for a shower.
So I decided to put an end to the feeling of unworthiness, of shame, by changing myself. I became the happy one, always in perfect control over the situation, always able to talk about it, and to figure out the practicalities behind every feeling.
People started relying on me this way, and I dug my own hole deeper and deeper. The more you get into a role the more people see you that way, the more you play the role and so on.
In all of this the mirror was still my enemy, even though I pretended not. And I forgot the details of my past. I buried it deep down somewhere so it couldn’t be seen.
But nothing can be hidden for long. It will find a way to come back to the surface and sure enough it did. Not just in one event, but in many different ways. I couldn’t hide any more.
“It didn’t matter that she fell apart, it was how she put herself back together.” Atticus
I realised that what I was afraid to see in the mirror was the darkness, the sadness, the anger, the other part of the coin that I had put to one side.
It can’t be left to one side. We have light and darkness within us. We are angels and demons in one body. This physical world is a world of duality and, I have learnt, if you want to appreciate the light, you have to know darkness.
So I did, I embraced the dark goddess within me. I learnt to know her and she told me things I needed to hear in order to come back to the light.
We don’t need to always hold everything together, we don’t need to be invincible on the outside. We are perfect now just how we are.
Now the mirror doesn’t scare me any more. I can stand naked in front of it with no fear of what it might show me.
The Most Powerful Meditation
Recently I discovered the most powerful shrine to meditate in front. A mirror!
Sit every day and meditate for a few minutes in front of a mirror. Look into your eyes with no judgement, just be with you. If you feel comfortable doing it, send appreciation toward your reflection. Otherwise, if at the start it is too much, just stay with yourself, looking into those beautiful eyes.
You can focus on your breathing, keeping your eyes into your own eyes. Keep one hand on your heart centre and the other on your solar plexus and breath in and out with yourself. See how it feels after a few days of doing so for just five minutes every day. And share with me any reflections if you like.
If you have a big mirror, once you are comfortable you might want to try and stand naked in front of it as you meditate, sending appreciation to your beautiful body. As you breathe in think the word “I” and as you breathe out think the word “am”. I am!
Stay with yourself and appreciate light and darkness. All the facets of you beautiful self, coming together here now in the amazing perfection that you are!!