“ I struggle with other people telling me I can’t do something. I then scourge to so at my own detriment.. Not necessarily to prove to them I can, but to prove to me I can. How should I deal with this?”
I got this question from a client of mine recently and I’d love to answer with my experiences, as I found myself asking similar questions some time ago.
To address this I am going back to November 2013.
We got up in the morning and realised that it had snowed. My daughter Áine, who was 3 years old at the time, was so excited to build a snowman that she didn’t even want breakfast. She put on her snow suit and out she went determined.
I followed her, reluctantly. I was cold and hungry but I understood her enthusiasm.
Once outside we got started.
The neighbour’s child came to the fence and told us.
“We tried to build one, but the snow is not sticky enough. Don’t even try because it is impossible.” and off he went to school.
I turned to Áine and realised that she hadn’t even looked up from her project. She worked hard until a snowman was built.
It was small, but that didn’t matter. She had no doubt about her success, so what an older boy told her didn’t even reach her.
“The world is remade through the power of fierce women performing outrageous acts of creative rebellion undeterred by forces raged against them!”
Louise M. Pare
This experience was one of many that taught me that we only mind others’ comments on our ideas, when we for first do not believe in those ideas.
Nobody will bother you with their comments if you are sure of your success.
But sometimes we are not sure, because we have never tried this thing that we want to do before, so how can we be confident??
Well, if you are trying something new to you, you are not meant to be confident!!!
It took me a long time to accept this, believe me. But it is so true.
We can’t be confident while trying something new, as we do not have a history of success. Maybe we can look at the success of somebody else in the same thing, yes, that might help a bit. But ultimately we can’t be confident until we succeed at least once.
So How are we meant to go about it??
Here are the steps I take when I have a new idea, or some project I want to create:
1 – Who to talk to about it.
Share your ideas only with people you know are going to be supportive. Devil’s advocates are no help!!!!
I quickly realised that there’s no point in talking about it to people that I know won’t understand. It’s nothing to do with them, there’s no judgement of their beliefs, but they simply don’t much my beliefs. Often family member are included in this list.
2-Connect to your heroes.
Find somebody that has done something similar to what you would like to achieve successfully and look at how they did it, not to copy but to find support and inspiration.
Contact them and ask them questions. You will find them mostly happy to help as they have been where you are now too; they have looked for help too at the start.
3-Courage versus confidence.
Remember that confidence is the result of success and positive feedback, so you are not meant to have it before you even start. But what you have in abundance is COURAGE. That is all you need to get started!!! I am sure that if you look back in your life so far you can find plenty of example in which you have shown your courage to the world.
I always go back to the days I brought my daughters into the world, I shown plenty of courage in those hours! If I could do that I can face anything!
4-What if you were sure to succeed?
Ask yourself if you would do it, knowing that you can’t fail.
5-What does success mean to you?
Ask yourself if you would do it knowing that you can fail!
I don’t care if my books will become best sellers or not. I love writing and I will keep writing, that is my success on this. Outer success might or mightn’t come, but I love writing too much to stop anyway. Of course I will do anything I can to make my books successful, and I believe in them with all my heart, but ultimately I have already won, the moment I sat at my desk and wrote a word!!
“If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.”
William Arthur Ward
Once you went through these five steps, you will find that the opinion of others doesn’t matter that much to you any more.
You either decided that really you do not want to go ahead with this as you have the evidence that shows you are not really interested in it anyway, which is a possibility. We are not meant to follow everything that comes to mind, just because it came up.
Or, you are going to give it your all, as you are so passionate about your idea that:
- You have looked for a community that supports,
- You have contacted all the key people you could think of,
- You have tapped into your deepest courage,
- You know you are going to succeed because you know what success is for you and you are UNSTOPPABLE!!!!
So get started!!! The world needs your wonderful idea!!! It is waiting for your infinite power to be unleashed in creating something amazing!!!
“There is only one success – To be able to spend your life in your own way!”